(I needed a little perspective today.)

"Stop Worrying. God is in control." --bumper sticker I saw today.

Isaac turned 10 weeks old yesterday. I've been needing a little perspective and have been looking at some of his earliest pictures. It's very painful to look at them, but it also fills me with such hope and humility at the miracle he is and how far he has come. He just does not look (or act) like the same baby that they brought in 10 weeks ago. It is so amazing to me.


My baby's in big boy clothes! I almost started crying today just because he looked so dang cute! I know it sounds crazy, but the first thing I thought was that he looks like a real baby. I know he's a real baby of course, but it's hard to see past all the equipment sometimes and imagine what he will look like without all that stuff attached. It sure did my heart good to see this. I just wanted to smoosh kisses all over his little face.




We did manage to get a couple pictures of his bath the other day. This was after we dunked him and swaddled him up to wash his hair.


Progress is progress and I'll take it any way it comes. Isaac is moving forward, just very slowly. He's been slowing down a bit during the last week, but is still going in the right direction. Isaac seems to have his own idea about what needs to happen when. It's funny--sometimes he'll have a nurse who doesn't know him very well and she will start saying how he needs to be pushed and the doctors need to do this and that--and those of us who do know him just smile and say, "Sorry, we've learned our lesson. You can't pull that with Isaac." Every time we try to push him, he ends up doing worse. So--we wait for him to tell us when he's ready.

He had to go back up to 7 on the CPAP. Apparently he had a nurse who thought he needed to be pushed and by morning he was back up to 7. "Oh Isaac."

He lost a little bit of weight and still hasn't broken the 4 lb mark. Erghh. He's digesting his food fine, he just has so much air in his belly from the CPAP that the food can't always get through.

There's only about 6 weeks or so left until his due date and it's looking like he'll be in the NICU longer than that. His lungs are improving, but it's going to take a while for them to heal enough that he can do it all on his own. Everything else that he needs to do to be able to come home (drink from a bottle, no apnea) can't happen until his respiratory situation is resolved.

He's a wonderful little sweetie and I'll take him any way he comes. I said at the beginning that I don't care what problems arise, I just want him around to have them. I still feel that way wholeheartedly. It's worth every second of this and more to have him be alive and able to be a part of our family. There are certainly very hard days, but there has never been a moment when we've questioned whether it's worth it.

There is no doubt this is the hardest thing both Jaska and I have experienced. I can't speak for Isaac on this one, but it's also been the greatest thing we have ever experienced. I can't help but feel singled out, but I know that I'm not. Miracles like this happen every single day. So many people have told me their stories when they hear of Isaac. Stories of hope and love and miracles. I love hearing them. It reminds me that we are not alone. Every day I just want to shout, "Look what God can do! Look what He is doing." For me. For my boy. God truly is love.