"If for a while the harder you try, the harder it gets, take heart. So it has been with the best people who ever lived."---Jeffrey R. Holland


Isaac continues to make very slow, but very definite progress. He is down on his vent settings a little bit more. Everything else is about the same. He's slowly gaining weight. He had his first sponge bath today. It almost made me cry when his nurse told me because I wasn't able to be there. The reason? Fate has reared it's ugly head and we are once again, sick. Jonah threw up in church on Sunday, which was awesome. I'm sure everyone around us felt very uplifted as they watched us mop up Jonah's puke off the pew. Excellent.

Jonah was pretty sick for about 24 hours and then bounced back pretty quickly (yay!). I on the other hand got hit pretty hard. The last couple of times we've been sick, I've been ill enough that I had to stay home from the hospital, but I felt okay for the most part--just normal cold/flu type stuff. This time I got hit pretty hard. No throwing up thank goodness--but my body totally gave out. I've barely been able to get out of bed. So obviously--I have not been at the hospital the last couple of days.

I went on Sunday and held Isaac for a bit, but haven't been able to return. The worst part besides not being able to go to the hospital is knowing that I'm doing everything I can to prevent getting sick and there's just no stopping it. I was depleted before Isaac was born. I had bronchitis during my first trimester (turns out it was most likely CMV) and never really recovered fully. My immune system has been pretty much non-existent since.

Conventional wisdom for cold/flu is for the most part--good wisdom. But any time someone tells me any of the following however, it just makes me MAD. (I know they mean well, it just makes me feel even worse--like maybe there is something more I could do when I know there's not)

1) Get lots of rest. For any mother in any circumstance, (nevermind when your kid is puking) this is a big hillarious joke. Rest? Are you kidding? I haven't rested since Jonah was born. The getting up at ungodly hours of night to pump is certainly not helping either.

2) Drink lots of fluids. Well, I do in fact. Anyone who knows me knows I carry a water bottle with me everywhere I go. Unfortunately I spend my days at an incredibly dry hospital. No matter how much I drink, I am dehydrated (pumping doesn't help at all).

3) Lower your stress. Umm...yeah--I'll get right on that.

And 4) Stay away from sick people. Umm..I have a toddler. Enough said.

Forgive my being punchy, but I am soooooo done with this. I am eating well, taking vitamins, washing my hands a hundred times a day, etc. It's making me crazy. Something is going to have to give. Unfortunately, everything I am juggling is of equal importance. Nothing can "give" and that's the sad reality . Erghhhhhhh.

Regardless of my being so completely annoyed at being sick again, I am ecstatic that Isaac has been so stable and making little bits of progress. I love going in to see him every day and holding him. His personality is coming out more and more and it's getting easier to see the little boy in there behind all the wires and tubes and plastic.

I know I will look back on this time as so incredibly difficult, but more importantly, so incredibly worth it. It's worth anything I have and will have to go through. I can't promise that Isaac feels the same way, :) but knowing that my being sick is nothing compared to what he's going through makes it easier to not be so grumpy.