How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

As you wander through this troubled world
In search of all things beautiful
You can close your eyes when you're miles away
And hear my voice like a serenade

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

---Dixie Chicks

I love this little boy so much. I am so immensely proud of him. All I have to do is look at him and the tears just start coming. I can't help it. He is such an angel. Jaska and I are constantly dumbfounded as to how we ended up with such great kids. I am completely in love with them.

Since Isaac is on the Fisher-Paykel cannula full-time it is much easier to hold him and cuddle him. Sometimes I can forget for a couple minutes where we are and just be a mom to my little boy. I have been able to start breastfeeding Isaac. For now, it's really only meant to expose him to the experience and not necessarily to be nutritive. But, Isaac is a total champ and knows exactly what he wants and how to get it. We weigh him before and after he eats (I am so getting one of these scales! How awesome is this? This would have saved me so much stress with Jonah) and today he took 26 mls from me which is almost as much as the 35 he gets in his feeding tube. I am so relieved. Breastfeeding Jonah was a nightmare and I've been really stressed worried about how it would be with Isaac. After all this, I didn't think I could handle another stressful eating experience like that.

We still have a very long way to go--Isaac is only strong enough to try breastfeeding once or twice a day for 10-15 minutes. But it is so incredibly healing for both of us, after all of this, to be able to do something so normal and natural. I get emotional every time. I can feel the weight begin to lift a little as we sit there.

He is up to 4 1/2 lbs. Hopefully that number will continue to rise---He needs to chub out a little more. He's been this size for weeks and needs the extra weight/strength to do all the things he's expected to do now-- maintain his temperature, breathe, suck, swallow and grow.

I've always known that I would go to hell and back for my kids--no question. But to actually go to hell and back with them and to be able to say with every ounce of feeling and love in my heart that it is so completely worth every single second is very satisfying. Cliche or not, love truly conquers all.

I cannot express how much this has been worth it. It's not over yet, but this has been the most affirming experience of my life--of the power (and necessity) of love, of motherhood, of faith, and of hope. And if I ever start to forget how amazing this has been (as if I could) I have my own little miracle to remind me every single day. My cup runneth over.