Isaac is such a champ! He continues to do well and amazes all the medical staff (and us). Most refer to him as the "miracle baby". One of the lactation consultants was just telling me that it is very rare to have a baby do so well with oral feeding after being on the vent for so long. They usually end up with severe oral aversions and need to be tube fed for a long time. Isaac is doing really well with breastfeeding, but still gets pretty tired out with all the oral feeds he is getting. He can't handle it at every feeding yet.

He has been having a hard time gaining weight. We're not sure what the cause is, but that is the major concern right now. He can't go home until he is gaining weight steadily. It could be the steroids (which end today), or it could be that he's expending so much energy to eat and/or breathe. He just passed the 5 lb mark today. YAY! It may not last (he's been up and down and up and down) but it's still exciting. He is getting there.

They dropped him down to 1 on his oxygen on Friday night and he's done beautifully. Next stop is the true nasal cannula (instead of the Fisher Paykel kind) which is a lot more convenient. He can go home on the nasal cannula, not the Fisher Paykel system.

I talked with the head doctor at the NICU yesterday about Isaac's progress. He is thrilled with how well he is doing (as is everyone). He did mention though that this is often the most frustrating time for parents because it often takes a while for the babies to get over this last hump to be considered completely well. It echoed exactly how I've been feeling this last week.

I've hit another wall. I have just been so beat. Isaac is doing so well, and I am so incredibly grateful for that. Unfortunately for me though, gratitude doesn't always take away the fatigue or the emotional and physical exhaustion that come from going back and forth to the hospital 7 days a week for almost 4 months. I'm running out of energy.

We still have no real idea of when Isaac will be able to come home. He's still on the right track, but we're not sure how long it will take him to get to the end of it. That is the most frustrating part. It would be easier to do one last big push to the finish if I actually knew when that finish would be.

But...as Jaska reminded me this morning, if Isaac has lasting disabilities there will be no finish. I know that and I've accepted that possibility. I know things aren't going to be easy once Isaac comes home, not by a long shot. But---it will be easier in some ways (and harder in others). I'm looking forward to having my boys and my family together. That will be easier. Having a newborn and a toddler is not going to be easy, but if I can manage Jonah and Isaac together at the hospital, I'm sure home will be no problem.

I brought Jonah with me to the hospital this morning so I could feed Isaac. As I was getting Jonah situated so I could take Isaac out to feed him, I thought to myself, "It's probably not going to be harder than this to manage two kids (I hope! I hope!). If I can manage in the hospital, I'm sure I can manage at the mall or the park or wherever." I really hope that's true. It gives me hope that the level of frantic may drop just a little in our lives.

Meanwhile, we are slowly but surely getting our house ready for Isaac and trying to hang in there. (I'm really beginning to hate that phrase--that along with "wait and see")