Dad's Turn II

My titles aren't nearly as cool as Jenn's.

Yesterday morning we decided that I would go see Isaac in the morning while Jenn played with Jonah. Jenn usually is the first to go while I get Jonah ready for the day. When I arrived at the hospital, I was surprised to find the nurses asking me if I wanted to hold my son! Notwithstanding all his infections and lung problems, he was stable enough to come out of his isolette to be on my chest where my body heat and a blanket would be sufficient to keep him warm.

I sat with my son on my chest, one hand cupping his bottom and the other cupping his back. My hands overlapped, he is so small. We sat together for about an hour.

I didn't get teary or overwhelmed by any emotions. It was just...nice. It's funny- holding your child in your lap is not some earth-moving unique moment, but when it's the first time since birth, and that has already been 23 days ago, you begin to realize what you've been missing. I've felt that I have aged quite a bit through this experience- maybe it has something to do with carrying burdens, but I was surprised at how much holding my son did to lighten my heart, and it was a feeling that I carried with me the rest of the day. Although it wasn't earth shattering, I think I really needed that "tender mercy." It's interesting- it seems to me that when I think strength is needed most, what I get from the Lord is tenderness.

Jenn, by the way, was extremely jealous when I got home and showed her the pictures the NICU staff had printed for me.