"Hoping does not mean doing nothing. It is not fatalistic resignation. It means going about our assigned tasks, confident that God will provide the meaning and the conclusion. It is not compelled to work away at keeping up appearances with a bogus spirituality. It is the opposite of desperate and panicky manipulations, of scurrying and worrying. And hoping is not dreaming. It is not spinning an illusion or fantasy to protect us from our boredom or our pain. It means a confident, alert expectation that God will do what he said he will do. It is imagination put in the harness of faith. It is a willingness to let God do it in his way and in his time. It is the opposite of making plans that we demand that God put into effect, telling him both how and when to do it."
-- Eugene Peterson.

Today was another stable day--every one of these is a miracle unto itself. BB continues to do well. He has an open vessel near the heart called a PDA that needs to be closed. It's common with preemies because they were born while still needing it open in the womb. With full term babies, it closes on it's own within a few days. Preemies need some more help. They tried a round of medication that didn't work, so they are trying another round. If the second attempt isn't successful, they may have to close it surgically. Apparently the surgery isn't too risky, but the thought of him being operated on is terrifying.

BB finally opened his eyes (his eyes have been fused shut). He was trying so hard to get them open and look around at the world--even though he can't see anything yet. :)

I got to actually "hold" him today. The nurse was changing his bedding and I was able to lift him up while she changed the blanket beneath him. He fit nicely across my hands. I was surprised at both how delicate he is and how strong he is. I've been able to change his diaper, and help with a few other things, and each time I'm surprised to discover how solid he is. He is fragile to be sure, but it was a relief to discover that I'm not going to break him. :)

Jaska was able to give him a father's blessing. I know it means a lot to Jaska to be able to. We are so grateful for the priesthood and the power of prayer.

Jaska and I were both pretty overwhelmed today. All the medical staff told us it would be a rollercoaster journey for our little man. Nobody told us it would be such a rollercoaster for us as well. He has been pretty steady, we've been on the rollercoaster.

Even though he continues to do well, it's still pretty overwhelming at times. We're doing pretty well--trying to maintain perspective and our senses of humor and all that and for the most part we're doing okay. It gets easier every day as this begins to feel more "normal" (what a contradiction!) But then out of the blue, suddenly one or both of us will just hit a wall. Jaska hit one last night, and I hit one today. It's almost as if our brains are finally beginning to make sense of what is happening and they totally rebel and shut down. Not that I blame them. :)