"What we actually learn, from any given set of circumstances, determines whether we become increasingly powerless or more powerful." Blaine Lee

Isaac has been doing okay the last couple of days. His condition hasn't worsened, but it hasn't improved either. He just seems kind of stuck. At the beginning of this, as long as he had a stable day I was happy there wasn't some kind of catastrophe. Now--I realize that a stable day may not be enough any more. He has got to start showing some progress. I appreciate so much when there's an uneventful couple of days--it gives me an emotional breather, but it's very frustrating at the same time because I feel like he's stagnating.

I've been able to hold Isaac a couple more times and I'm happy to report that it's been truly wonderful, and might I say rather addicting. :) Today, he was all over the place with the ventilator--we were all baffled as to why. (The vent provides a certain amount of oxygen for him, and measures how much oxygen saturation is in his blood. When the saturation is too high, they lower the amount of oxygen they give him, too low and they increase it. Isaac would drop suddenly by 20-25% and then jump right back up again--it was weird) At first the nurse didn't want me to hold him, but he's done so well with the skin to skin holding, that she agreed--hoping it would calm him down.

It totally did. Isaac went from dropping in his saturation 10-15 times an hour to not at all during the 45 minutes I held him. Yeah, that's right baby. He knows who his Mama is. :) The nurses were so happy. He was super alert today while I held him and he looked right at me. Usually his eyes are rolling all over the place--but today he just looked at me for a little while. I don't know if he can even see me--but it was a wonderful moment and I really felt like we bonded. Being able to look into his eyes was really powerful.