I had a particularly bad night last night. I was so anxious and couldn't calm down. I've been doing a LOT of meditation and breathing excercises to calm me down every time I get anxious or worried, but last night it didn't work. I think I am just getting too exhausted--I can't get any rest here. I leaked a lot more than usual which greatly contributed to my anxiety levels--During the day I can keep things in perspective for the most part. In the middle of the night, I am not so rational.
This morning Jaska gave me a perfectly beautiful blessing. It was one I will cherish for the rest of my life. I am so grateful for the gospel and the power of the priesthood.
I have felt so accutely the Lord's hand in guiding me through this. I feel the necessity of this trial and I feel His hand in this. I do not feel alone--but I feel so completely overwhelmed and at times scared/terrified.
I am overcome with joy that our little guy is still okay--that God has chosen to help us to this point.
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